Pep Talk Prep Time

This year, I'm gonna be ready.

I've made this promise to myself, and now I've made it to all 3 of you that actually read this rag. This year, I swear, I'll be ready.

I've prepared enough mental exercises to get me through the boredom, and packed my pockets with tissues to absorb the inevitable tears of frustration. I've got a stress-ball in hand so I can work through the rage. There's a super-sized bucket at my feet in case the nausea gets the best of me. 

Christmas is almost upon us (only 10 shopping days left, kids), but instead I'm thinking of....

....(wait for it).....


The 83rd Annual Academy Awards! Woo! And yes, both the ceremony and the movies themselves do have the potential to inspire boredom, frustration, rage, and nausea all at once. But that's what's fun about the whole thing, right? Right? ... ... Sigh. And so, because last year was SO much fun (annoying? ridiculous? hirsute?) I simply must do the whole thing again.

This year, I'm committed to being more POSITIVE about what I do like. Already I can tell this is going to be manageable, because Ron Howard probably won't be nominated for anything this time around. I've even designed a nifty new blog to go with my new outlook. See?

Ok, maybe the new design is a bad example of my new-found positivity, but its going to be there. I promise. I also promise to do more PROOFREADING before posting (read: drink less wine while posting). Any brave souls who'd like to try proofing the posts before they go live, speak now.

So, that's my proof-positive (!!) promise to you, my little masochists (which you must be if you're reading this). Ease up on the cynicism and less typos. In return, I ask only that you tell me when I'm full of shit. I think this is fair, oui?

Oui.

Though, that positivity thing looks a like a tall order after taking a glance at this year's Golden Globe nominees. Goddamn it.

Eli

AVATAR

Shiny fluorescence = pretty.

Nominated for:
Cinematography - Mauro Fiore
Direction - James Cameron
Best Picture

Also nominated for:
Art Direction - Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg, Kim Sinclair
Film Editing - Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
Music (Original Score) - James Horner
Sound Editing - Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
Sound Mixing - Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
Visual Effects - Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones

Okay. So.

This movie is very... pretty, in a shiny, cartoony, little princess kind of way. I think is the most expensive child's movie ever made. It will be interesting to see what will be done with all this new technology when placed in more creative hands, but its a shame James Cameron is too egotistical to hire someone who is actually a talented writer. Maybe then this movie could have had some depth instead of just a pile of pop-spirituality and a whole lot of stock, gender-stereotyped characters...

And the voice-over narration... Sweet Jesus, why oh why must there be voice-over narration?!

That said, I do want a floating mountain and once of those big red flying things that swoop out of the sky and snatch up other, smaller things.

Best Picture? Absolutely not, but it will probably win anyway.
Best Directory? Please refer to the previous statement.
Cinematography? No. CGI is not cinematography.

Check out how many Avatar toys you can buy.

Eli

The White Ribbon

Children are creepier then I ever imagined.

Nominated for:
Cinematography - Christian Berger

Also nominated for:
Foreign Language Film

This creepy, quiet little German film is the latest from Michael Haneke, infamous for other such eerie and violent flicks like Caché and Funny Games. The film as a whole is unsettling, to say the least. It's good... not sure if it is something I would watch again (yes, it's that creepy...) but I don't regret watching it.

Not for the faint of heart, thought there never actually is any violence on camera. I still feel a little ill after watching it, and while this may be due to the half pint of lemon sorbet I've just consumed, I'm going to pin that on the movie.

I'm a little put off by rotten tomatoes having this weird show thingy, but it pretty much sums up the piece.

Eli

Invictus

Nelson Mandela harnesses the power of rugby to solve all of South Africa's problems - epic cheering scene ensues.

Nominated for:
Best Actor - Morgan Freeman
Best Supporting Actor - Matt Damon

This could have been so much more than your standard sports movie, but it isn't. The acting nods are completely unwarranted, unless looking stoic for two and a half hours is considered to be talent nowadays...

Like so many other movies I've had to watch during the last few weeks, this one has fallen victim to convention. The climax of the film teeters on the will-they-make-it cliche, even though the outcome of the world cup match is a matter of historical record. It's especially disappointing that not much else is explored, given the wealth of stories that could be told about such an incredible time in South Africa's history. Nope - this movie goes for the least interesting bits of everything. The camera work is generic, the writing is uninspired, and the acting is flat. Dull, dull dull.

I will say one good thing though, Morgan Freeman recites the Invictus poem way better then this creepy dude.

Eli

The Messenger

War really fucks you up.

Best supporting actor - Woody Harrelson
Writing (original Screenplay) - Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman

The film is a nice appendix to The Hurt Locker. Both take on their subject using a "realistic" approach, and this most definitely does the topic justice. The Messenger does its bit to lend its voice to the anti-war protest without getting too preachy or over-bearing.

This is an emotional roller coaster, and surprisingly understated given the amount of attention paid to grief stricken relatives. The whole film is very matter-of-fact in its presentation of grief, sadness, and post-traumatic-stress. It's very well written, and the acting is magnificent, especially Samatha Morton's middle-America Wal-mart army wife character (sheer-brilliance).

In whole, this movie should be seen by many people. Best writing? Sure. It was very, very good. Best acting for Woody Harrelson? I suppose, but I found him to be the weakest actor of the three main roles. Ah well.

Not that you can really tell that its here, but here's Samantha Morton being REALLY creepy.

Eli

Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire

Life can suck A LOT.

Nominated for:
Best picture
Directing - Lee Daniels
Best Leading Actress - Gabourey Sidibe
Best Supporting Actress - Mo'Nique
Writing (adapted) - Geoffrey Fletcher

Also Nominated for:
Film Editing - Joe Klotz

There are a lot of good things about this  movie. Both actresses do a bang up job, and my money is on Mo'Nique winning the supporting Actress award. She miraculously brings a tiny shred of humanity to a seriously flawed character and avoids turning her into a caricature.

The film's ridiculously long title is not one of the aforementioned good things.

Narratively, the file suffers from the same issues that most adaptations encounter - a meandering story line with too many plot peaks. But much like Mo'Nique's character, the film never falls into melodrama or caricature, which I suppose justifies the Best Picture and Directing nominations.

This is not an easy film to watch - by any means. However, if you're in the mood for an emotional toughie, then this is the one for you.

Mariah Carey - respectable actress?

Eli

A Serious Man

The book of Job set in 1960's-ish middle Jewish America... Coen Brother's style.

Nominated for:
Best Picture
Best Original Screenplay - Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

This file is amazing. Its incredibly frustrating to watch, but if you've got even the tiniest hint of masochism in you, then you will appreciate this sublime bit of cinema.

It should be nominated for so much more. The lead actor, Michael Stuhlbarg of Broadway fame, was amazing, along with the cinematography, sound design and art direction. Obviously, the Coen Brothers themselves should have gotten a directorial nod along with their writing nomination, but what can you do?

All around, this is a winner.

Eli

Julie & Julia

Butter is awesome.

Nominated for:
Best Supporting Actress - Meryl Streep

This movie isn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact it's quite entertaining. Simple, focused, sweet and honest. The drama in the lives of the two main women never distract from the real star of this movie - the food. And let me tell you, you better damn well eat a fine meal before watching this flick or you're stomach will be growling louder than a grizzly bear being hit by a golf club.

As for Meryl's performance, she is solid as always.

Check out Julia Child's cooking show pre-FOOD Network glitz and glam.

Eli

Nine

See Fellini's melancholic masterpiece 8 1/2, now Americanized, with more signing, dancing ... and lingerie!

Nominated for:
Best Supporting Actress - Penelope Cruz
Art Direction - John Myhre, Gordon Sim
Costume Design - Colleen Atwood
Best Original Song - Take It All

There is no raison d'etre fore this movie. It basically is a dumbed down, westernized version of 8 1/2. Except, since there isn't really much to 8 1/2 to begin with, the dumbed-down version has nothing at all worth watching... except maybe Penelope Cruz in her lingerie.

This movie tries too hard to be a replica of Chicago and forgets its purpose. It may be more enjoyable with the sound off, since the songs are dull and stupid, but the dance sequences aren't very interesting either.

Basically, this is expensive, over hyped eye-candy. No awards for you!

Here's the opening sequence to 8 1/2 - no words or music needed to express the same thing as Nine's opening dance number.

Eli

Crazy Heart

The Wrestler Part II: Gone Country

Nominated For:
Best Actor - Jeff Bridges
Best Supporting Actress - Maggie Gyllenhaal
Best Original Song - The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)

This movie is about as generic as they come. There isn't anything particularly offensive about it, but there isn't anything very exciting about it either. I suppose if you like country twang there might be something in this for you, since there is a lot of singing. But if you are going to name your protagonist something like "Bad Blake", you gotta at least inject a bit of controversy into the mess. Basically, everything about this movie made me think "yeah, ok... but The Wrestler did that better".

I love Jeff, and Maggie, but not in this movie. They've done better, and will do better, in other, more interesting movies.

Eli

A Single Man

A man grieves over the sudden loss of his lifetime partner. Lots of pretty colours fade in and out of focus.

Nominated For:
Best Actor - Colin Firth

This movie is a work of out, one of the best I've seen all year. Literally, took my breath away.

Colin Firth should win this award. I may even put money on it.

I can't imagine why this didn't also pick up nods for Art Direction, Cinematography, and Directing as well/ James Cameron may have lots of money to hire a pile of programming geeks, but I'd like to see him try and create something as beautiful and sublime as this. Everything in this movie was 10 times more enthralling then anything CGI could ever invent.

Mr. Tom Ford (director), I hope you continue to make films, as this one has reminded me why I love them in the first place.

Eli

The Last Station

People REALLY love Leo Tolstoy. Some of them disagree on who loves him more.

Nominated for:
Best Actress - Helen Mirren
Best Supporting Actor - Christopher Plummer

This movie plots out the final months in Tolstoy's life, in which his wife battles with his followers over who should obtain the copyrights to his life's work - his family or the people. Paul Giamati plays the creepy-but-sort-of-well-intentioned fanatic. James MacAvoy plays the nervous innocent who learns to love and all that other stuff.

None, however, are quite as magnificent as Helen Mirren.

I love Helen Mirren. And she is amazing in this film, just like she is amazing in everything she's ever done (check out her badass-ness in BBC's groundbreaking police drama Prime Suspect). Christopher Plummer put on a good performance as well, all though he was much better in The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, and probably should have gotten a nomination for that instead.

Overall, the first 45 minutes or so are extremely engaging, but unfortunately this movie swerves from its ironic, quirky beginnings into a blah period-piece melodrama. Still, I suppose it was better then some of the other crap on this list.

Eli

In The Loop

Politicians are all incompetent and/or insane.

Nominated for:

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche

I hope this movie wins the one little award it was nominated for, since the whole thing is miles better then almost anything else on this list. There isn't really much more to say about this, except that it's solid.

Thoroughly entertaining and choc-full of British wit... A++

Eli

An Education

A 16-year-old girl and her parents are seduced by a creepy dude with a lot of money. Girl learns school isn't really all that bad.

Nominated for:
Best Actress - Carey Mulligan
Writing Adapted Screenplay - Nick Hornby
Best Picture

I left the theater after seeing An Education perplexed, and a little grossed out, which was a shame, because I really wanted to like this movie.

The acting was fabulous. The dialog and story arc are quite lovely (as I would expect from my dear Nick Hornby). And the glamorous early 60's dresses that the ladies wear are fabulous, so why was I bored for most of this movie?

Ultimately, the film was just dull. The camera work was textbook generic, the lighting was uninspired, and the music was that shlocky, melodramatic orchestral crap meant to boss your emotions around (feel sad HERE, feel glad HERE). The editing was dull too, and this film could definitely have used a little bit of non-linear scrambling to add some intrigue.

All these things seem to have been ignored by the filmmakers, so why its received a Best Picture nomination is beyond me. I guess its worth watching if you want to convince your teen-aged daughter to stay in school and NOT get married to a handsome creep-o with lots of money. The movie doesn't really paint schooling in any kind of favorable light, which makes the moral of this tale something like - go to school and be alone for your life, or get married and be a bimbo.

Best picture? Nope. Best Writing? Nope. Best Actress? Possibly.

Maybe I would have enjoyed the movie more if Ben Folds (lyrics by Nick Hornby) had done the music...

Eli

The Lovely Bones

A Young Girl gets murdered. Then gets stuck in a limbo land plagued by CGI. Then a lot of things happens that don't make much sense.

Nominated for:
Best Supporting Actor - Stanely Tucci

Ok so the good news is that my initial concerns about this movie adaptation (that Peter Jackson would create a revenge thriller instead of a story about grief and loss) proved to be false. The bad news is that Peter Jackson had no flipping clue WHAT this story was about, so he created... something... drenched in CGI beyond-this-world limbo nonsense about a murderer (Stanely Tucci's role).

The book is not great to begin with, from a literary perspective, but the author does a phenomenal job of creating believable character with visceral emotions. The most compelling element to the book, however, is the young (and dead) girl's narration. However, in the film version, most of the girl's narration is about the murderer (not about being a 14-year-old girl), and the murderer's emotions, and the murderer's motivations (warning: massive rant up ahead).

By making the murderer the focus of the film, the otherwise introspective story about growth, and sadness, and emotional pain, becomes a voyeuristic spectacle on par with Crime Porn shows like CSI, Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU... According to stories like these, women are always victims of man's all-powerful lust for sexualized violence. Women are helpless, and the more helpless they seem, the more tragic and perverse the crime. On top of it all, audiences are invited to observe, and delight, in all this horror. I'm beyond sick of watching murder presented as mindless entertainment, and that's what comes across the strongest in this movie. All the other characters EXCEPT the murderer himself get lost in this Creepy-Killer-Show/CGI-heaven, which is a shame, because if the focus had been on any of the other potentially wonderful characters, this movie may have turned out alright.

Best Supporting Actor? No. Tucci was miles better in Julie & Julia, playing a normal, intelligent human being. But you don't see any nods going his way for that, do you?

There is one good thing, though, about this crap-sack, and that's Brian Eno's score.

Eli

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

A teenage boy plays with his magic wand. A lot.

Nominated for:
Cinematography - Bruno Delbonnel

This movie is entertaining, but the book is better.

In terms of cinematography, I suppose it deserves some credit. I fact, I think the look of this movie is what made it actually bearable, aside all the Harry Potter geeky-goodness.

This version, however, is mind-blowing.

Eli

District 9

A rascists corporate shmuck in Johanasburg, South Africa gets what’s coming to him… and then a whole lot more. Teaches us that Aliens are humans too, except with cooler weapons.

Nominated for:
Best Picture
Writing Adapted Screenplay - Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell

Also Nominated for:
Film Editing
Visual Effects

This clever little social commentary packs a ton of information into each frame. I kind of wish the whole thing hadn’t turned into a sci-fi action flic by the end but what can you expect from something with Peter Jackson’s name attached to it?

Aside from the obvious commentary on the ever-present racism of South Africa, I think the best thing about this movie is the main character and his thoroughly un-likeable personality. He is a whiny, wimpy, weasel in a tie, and he makes you want to reach into the screen and smack his annoying little face. He’s not an anti-hero, he’s a NON-hero. Except he still comes off as sympathetic, which is not easy to pull off and that deserves a round of applause.

Best Picture and Best Adapted Screenplay? I don't think so, especially since it dropped the social commentary angle about 3/4 of the way through and went instead for an alien-weapon shoot-em-up. 

Here is the original short film, if you're interested.

Eli

UP

A grumpy old man ties a lot of helium balloons to his house and pursues life-long dreams of adventure. Picks up along the way a fat, annoying child, a loud bird of unknown origins and a dumb dog obsessed with squirrels. Learns to let go of stuff.

Nominated for:
Best Picture
Writing Original Screenplay - Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy

Also nominated for:
Best Animated Feature
Music Original Score
Sound Editing

Some moments in this latest from Pixar are touching. Some are annoying. This is a good children’s picture that also deals with some adult themes. The comedy is mostly slapstick, and the writing is forced. Most of the movie I was thinking “ok I see why they have to make that obvious for children, but I’m not a child”. I think I would have enjoyed it more if the fat kid fell off the house mid-air, and the bird got eaten by the creepy dogs with voice boxes.

UP may be at the top of the kid flicks list, but I’ll be just fine if I never have to watch it again.

Best Picture? Certainly not, especially since its also nominated for Best Animated Feature. If any animated movie released last year should get a best feature nod its Fantastic Mr. Fox. Best writing? No way. Pixar has done better – this movie was  sloppy.

This interviewer talks really frickin' fast.

Eli

The Hurt Locker

Dude disarms a lot of bombs. Finds it stressful.

Nominated for:
Best Actor - Jeremy Renner
Cinematography - Barry Ackroyd
Directing - Kathryn Bigelow
Best Picture
Writing Original Screenplay - Mark Boal

Also nominated for:
Film Editing - Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
Music Original Score - Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
Sound Editing - Paul N.J. Ottosson
Sound Mixing - Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett

This movie is solid. I wasn't sure while I was watching it, but its got its meaty claws hooked into my brain. I'm haunted.

There is barely a narrative in this film, and its brilliant. Its relentless. Its banal and its horrifying simultaneously, and I'm not really sure how that works.

I doubt this movie will win as many awards as it should, but I would be totally ok if it picked up the award for directing, cinematography, and original screenplay. And since it probably won't, I'll settle instead for directing. Bigelow needs to stick it to the man... Particularly this man.

Eli

Up in the Air

Some dude flies on A LOT of airplanes. Realizes he is lonely and that firing people kinda sucks.

Nominated for:
Writing Adapted Screenplay - Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner
Best Picture
Directing - Jason Reitman
Best Supporting Actress - Vera Farmig and Anna Kendrick
Best Actor – George Clooney

This is a solid movie. If I could watch George Clooney till the end of the world, life would be just grand.

Jason Reitman handles job lose in Corporate America with just the right amount of humour and sincerity. This film is miles more mature then anything we’ve seen from him so far. The self-imposed isolation of the protagonist almost bleeds off the screen, and I can’t remember the last time I saw George Clooney look so vulnerable. This movie kind of broke my heart a little… in a good way.

So far, this film has my approval for all of its nominations (except maybe the double supporting actress nod). I say so far, because I have yet to view most of the competition, but this film had so much poise and class that it should get as much attention as humanly possible.

Here's a live performance of the title song.

Eli

The Blind Side

White people learn that Black people can be fixed if you spend enough money on them... as long as they’re Christian.

Nominated for:

Best Actress - Sandra Bullock
Best Picture

I learned the following from watching this movie:

- It’s ok to take strange homeless kids into your home as long as they are really dumb, so they won’t know what to steal.

- If you are a homeless kid, you should only get into a stranger’s car if they are rich and white and Christian. And Republican.

- Christian private schools have no problem taking on charity case students who are way below grade point average, as long as they write grammatically-incorrect-but-heartfelt essays about respecting authority like a good little soldier.

- If you are a good person and work hard, God will bless you with a lot of money, and no psychological problems whatsoever.

- All black people are dumb and/or drug dealers.

- If your mother is a crack whore, just close your eyes while “bad stuff” happens, and eventually you’ll turn out alright.

This movie is pure schlock. I probably would have vomited all over myself during this viewing if I hadn’t been so goddamned bored (20 minutes in, I was checking my watch). The writing is terrible, worse then that Paul Haggis crap.

Don’t ever watch this movie. In fact, all you’d need to watch is the trailer, since its a lot more exciting. Sandra Bullock can do, and has done, much better. Everyone else involved in this movie should go jump off a bridge.

Best Actress? NO.

Best Picture? Please.

Sandra Bullock in her glory days.

Inglourious Basterds

A lot of muscular Jews slaughter Hitler & Friends. Some women try to help out – and get killed.

Nominated for:
Best Supporting Actor – Christoph Waltz
Cinematography - Robert Richardson
Directing - Quentin Tarantino
Best Original Writing - Quentin Tarantino
Best Picture

Also nominated for:
Sound Editing
Sound Mixing
Film Editing

There are many enjoyable parts to this movie. Most sequences are well crafted, choc-full of nail-biting suspense and Tarantino’s trademark dialog. A feast for the eyes. A pioneer in the revenge genre. Christophe Waltz is a stellar psychopath. And you gotta give props to a movie that plots out Hitler’s fictional murder.

Here’s the problem. I’m all for a slow-burn storyline, but Tarantino has this nasty habit of blathering on about nothing relevant to his story just for the sake of proving how cool and clever and super non-dweeby he is. Which is bad. Which means he doesn’t know how to tun to someone and say “Gee, have I gone too far with this bit here?” Maybe he’s surrounded himself with too many Yes men, Speilberg-style. Regardless, there are way too many irrelevant sidebars in this movie, and that's all on Tarantino's giant ego.

Case-in-point – let’s take a look at the scene with “Winston Churchill” and Mike Meyers. The majority of this segment has nothing to do with the plot, and any relevant information that is revealed could have been relayed in about 10 other ways without affecting the story line, except to shorten this movie’s ghastly length by about 10 minutes. The only reason to keep such pointless frivolities is because the filmmaker thinks they are "wicked-cool" and "awesome", which annoys me.

Another case-in-point – the sequence towards the beginning of the movie in which we are introduced to The Bear Jew and his war-weary baseball bat. Why are we forced to spend so much time setting up this awful baseball bat business only to NEVER SEE IT AGAIN throughout the rest of the movie?! The sequence itself was extremely well constructed, which frustrates me more then anything. When all these beautiful, disturbing parts just vanish within the film, I have to ask myself, what was the point of putting that whole bit together if it was only going to be thrown away? And "because its wicked cool and awesome" is not an answer to that question.

So does this geeky little Basterds deserve an award for Best Picture? Absolutely not. Cinematography? ‘Tis nomination worthy. Best Original Writing? No. Best Supporting Actor? Possibly, but the actress Melanie Laurent was miles better. Best Picture? Over my dead body.

Tarantino, partner up with someone who can reign in that ridiculous imagination of yours with some proper storytelling skills, then we’ll talk.

Also, in case you are under any delusions (and I’m sure you are), you aren’t black, or a hip hop artist. Put down that goddamned popped collar and take off your sunglasses.

Eli

And the nominees are... oh shit.

Jesus, what have I done? Why are there so many? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY?!?!?!

So I've already seen the following:

Julie & Julia (Best Actress)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Cinematography)
District 9 (Best Picture, Writing Adapted)
Up (Best Picture, Writing Original)
Inglourious Basterds (Best Supporting Actor, Cinematography, Directing, Best Picture, Writing Original)

Which means that between now and March 7th, I will need to watch the following:

1. Crazy Heart (Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress)
2. Up in the Air (Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress x2, Directing, Best Picture, Writing Adapted)
3. A Single Man (Best Actor)
4. Invictus (Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor)
5. The Hurt Locker (Best Actor, Cinematography, Directing, Best Picture, Writing Original)
6. The Messenger (Best Supporting Actor, Writing Original)
7. The Last Station (Best Supporting Actor, Best Actress)
8. The Lovely Bones (Best Supporting Actor)
9. The Blind Side (Best Actress, Best Picture)
10. An Education (Best Actress, Best Picture, Writing Adapted)
11. Precious (Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Directing, Best Picture, Writing Adapted)
12. Nine (Best Supporting Actress)
13. Avatar (Cinematography, Directing, Best Picture)
14. The White Ribbon (Cinematography)
15. A Serious Man (Best Picture, Writing Original)
16. In the Loop (Writing Adapted)

Not including the actual day of the Oscars, this gives me 32 days to watch 16 movies and write 21 reviews. And of the 16 movies that I will need to see, three have inspired rage upon sight-of-trailer. (The Blind Side actually induced retching...)

My wallet and debit card have already started picketing in protest. My Soul may join them as well.

Here goes nothing...

Eli

The Oscar Pledge

At 8:30am tomorrow morning, the nomination for this year's Academy Awards will be announced.

Oh yes. Stand witness as the best movies from last year are snubbed in favour of flashy, splashy, melodrama! Bend your mind around the ridiculous clothing that passes for fashion! Bask in the almighty ego of James Cameron!

Lucky for you, dear readers, Masochism is my middle name (not really), and so, for your enjoyment, I pledge to watch all of the films nominated for the following awards:

Best Picture
Best Director
Best Actor and Supporting Actor
Best Actress and Supporting Actress
Best Original Screenplay
Best Adapted Screenplay
Best Cinematography

I'd also like to get in Best Art Direction, Best Costume Design, Best Documentary, Best Animated Feature, Best Film Editing, Best Makeup, Best Original Score, and Best Sound Editing, but lets not get ahead of ourselves here.

I'll stick to The Oscar Pledge and report back dutifully on the various merits and detriments of the films in question. I may go broke, and I may become bloated from popcorn consumption, but all this is of little consequence, since I will finally have obtained enough information to confidently cry from the rooftops "I HATE THE OSCARS! DEATH TO AWARD CEREMONIES ONCE AND FOR ALL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Such a noble quest, no?

Stay tuned for updates. Wish me luck!

Eli